Dexter Fowler Center Field of Splooge Thread

[InternetApex]

Besides, this is all just warmup splooge for the decade-long Peter Northfest we'll have over Almora.

I assume you're just baiting me, so I won't bother.

I landed a bigger beltless fish.

Almora should be a decent guy to keep the seat warm for a year until McKinney is ready.

Who will then keep it warm until Gleybar Torres transitions to CF.

I know we're joking here, but McKinney is pretty much restricted to LF defensively, no?

Yeah, or Japan.

[SKO]

Besides, this is all just warmup splooge for the decade-long Peter Northfest we'll have over Almora.

I assume you're just baiting me, so I won't bother.

I landed a bigger beltless fish.

Almora should be a decent guy to keep the seat warm for a year until McKinney is ready.

Who will then keep it warm until Gleybar Torres transitions to CF.

I know we're joking here, but McKinney is pretty much restricted to LF defensively, no?

Yeah, or Japan.

I'd wish more for McKinney than to fulfill my half-assed comp of Matt Murton, but I'd also really enjoy seeing Apex deal with another Matt Murton.

[Quality Start Machine]

Besides, this is all just warmup splooge for the decade-long Peter Northfest we'll have over Almora.

I assume you're just baiting me, so I won't bother.

I landed a bigger beltless fish.

Almora should be a decent guy to keep the seat warm for a year until McKinney is ready.

Who will then keep it warm until Gleybar Torres transitions to CF.

I know we're joking here, but McKinney is pretty much restricted to LF defensively, no?

Yeah, or Japan.

I'd wish more for McKinney than to fulfill my half-assed comp of Matt Murton, but I'd also really enjoy seeing Apex deal with another Matt Murton.

I was kind of surprised to see McKinney start the season back in A ball. Maybe they're looking for more pop out of his bat.

[Brownie]

So this is what having an actual leadoff hitter feels like...who knew?

And to get actual production from center field for the first time in ages seems nice. Outside of a half season of Edmonds in '08 that left me feeling as confused and dirty as that one summer at Camp Winnebago I don't think the Cubs have had a center fielder worth a shit since...fuck. I don't know.

Since half a season of .300-hitting Corey Patterson followed by half a season of Kenny Lofton?

Or Gary Matthews Jr?

Or the vaunted 1998 Lance Johnson-Brant Brown centerfield platoon?

Or Brian McRae?

Or 1992 Sammy Sosa (fewer than 10 homers), with Dwight Smith in left and Andre Dawson in right?

Or 1989 Jerome Walton?

Or 1987 Dave Martinez?

Or 1984 Bobby Dernier?

Center field has been kind of a problem, no?

[SKO]

So this is what having an actual leadoff hitter feels like...who knew?

And to get actual production from center field for the first time in ages seems nice. Outside of a half season of Edmonds in '08 that left me feeling as confused and dirty as that one summer at Camp Winnebago I don't think the Cubs have had a center fielder worth a shit since...fuck. I don't know.

Since half a season of .300-hitting Corey Patterson followed by half a season of Kenny Lofton?

Or Gary Matthews Jr?

Or the vaunted 1998 Lance Johnson-Brant Brown centerfield platoon?

Or Brian McRae?

Or 1992 Sammy Sosa (fewer than 10 homers), with Dwight Smith in left and Andre Dawson in right?

Or 1989 Jerome Walton?

Or 1987 Dave Martinez?

Or 1984 Bobby Dernier?

Center field has been kind of a problem, no?

Yeah but god forbid you splooge over maybe solving that problem for a year or two with an above average player like Dexter Fowler. Don't you do it, TJ. We have standards

[Powdered Toast Man]

He hit a homer that gave me a boner, but I think the Dexter Fowler splooge thread may be a bit premature.

But I do agree with Pex, that is precisely what Fowler is and I'm okay with that until he's unseated by Almora who is unseated by McKinney who's then unseated by Vogelbach.

[Chuck to Chuck]

So this is what having an actual leadoff hitter feels like...who knew?

And to get actual production from center field for the first time in ages seems nice. Outside of a half season of Edmonds in '08 that left me feeling as confused and dirty as that one summer at Camp Winnebago I don't think the Cubs have had a center fielder worth a shit since...fuck. I don't know.

Since half a season of .300-hitting Corey Patterson followed by half a season of Kenny Lofton?

Or Gary Matthews Jr?

Or the vaunted 1998 Lance Johnson-Brant Brown centerfield platoon?

Or Brian McRae?

Or 1992 Sammy Sosa (fewer than 10 homers), with Dwight Smith in left and Andre Dawson in right?

Or 1989 Jerome Walton?

Or 1987 Dave Martinez?

Or 1984 Bobby Dernier?

Center field has been kind of a problem, no?

Where's Juan Pierre? (ball is on the tee)

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

So this is what having an actual leadoff hitter feels like...who knew?

And to get actual production from center field for the first time in ages seems nice. Outside of a half season of Edmonds in '08 that left me feeling as confused and dirty as that one summer at Camp Winnebago I don't think the Cubs have had a center fielder worth a shit since...fuck. I don't know.

Since half a season of .300-hitting Corey Patterson followed by half a season of Kenny Lofton?

Or Gary Matthews Jr?

Or the vaunted 1998 Lance Johnson-Brant Brown centerfield platoon?

Or Brian McRae?

Or 1992 Sammy Sosa (fewer than 10 homers), with Dwight Smith in left and Andre Dawson in right?

Or 1989 Jerome Walton?

Or 1987 Dave Martinez?

Or 1984 Bobby Dernier?

Center field has been kind of a problem, no?

Where's Juan Pierre? (ball is on the tee)

You're an awful human being.

[SKO]

There's a splooge thread on this goddamn messageboard for Josh Vitters and Darwin Barney and Scott Fucking Feldman but the one for the CF with an OPS+ of 119 last in two of the last three years, whose OBP hasn't gone below .347 in his entire career, and who just hit a game winning homerun off of LaTroy FUCKING HAWKINS IS PREMATURE? I WILL KILL YOU ALL.

[SKO]

AARON MILES GOT A FUCKING SPLOOGE THREAD

[Chuck to Chuck]

AARON MILES GOT A FUCKING SPLOOGE THREAD

We were being ironical.

[SKO]

AARON MILES GOT A FUCKING SPLOOGE THREAD

We were being ironical.

Ironic about Carlos Silva? Tom fucking Gorzelanny? Randy Wells? Xavier Nady?

Y'all either suck hard at irony or the goddamn Dexter Fowler splooge is more than warranted. I'll see every one of you in hell. Except for Tonks, who will be in European hell.

[PenFoe]

AARON MILES GOT A FUCKING SPLOOGE THREAD

We were being ironical.

Ironic about Carlos Silva? Tom fucking Gorzelanny? Randy Wells? Xavier Nady?

Y'all either suck hard at irony or the goddamn Dexter Fowler splooge is more than warranted. I'll see every one of you in hell. Except for Tonks, who will be in European hell.

I was dead serious about the Xavier Nady thread.

[SKO]

AARON MILES GOT A FUCKING SPLOOGE THREAD

We were being ironical.

Ironic about Carlos Silva? Tom fucking Gorzelanny? Randy Wells? Xavier Nady?

Y'all either suck hard at irony or the goddamn Dexter Fowler splooge is more than warranted. I'll see every one of you in hell. Except for Tonks, who will be in European hell.

I was dead serious about the Xavier Nady thread.

For proving my point, I let you live.

[Brownie]

So this is what having an actual leadoff hitter feels like...who knew?

And to get actual production from center field for the first time in ages seems nice. Outside of a half season of Edmonds in '08 that left me feeling as confused and dirty as that one summer at Camp Winnebago I don't think the Cubs have had a center fielder worth a shit since...fuck. I don't know.

Since half a season of .300-hitting Corey Patterson followed by half a season of Kenny Lofton?

Or Gary Matthews Jr?

Or the vaunted 1998 Lance Johnson-Brant Brown centerfield platoon?

Or Brian McRae?

Or 1992 Sammy Sosa (fewer than 10 homers), with Dwight Smith in left and Andre Dawson in right?

Or 1989 Jerome Walton?

Or 1987 Dave Martinez?

Or 1984 Bobby Dernier?

Center field has been kind of a problem, no?

Where's Juan Pierre? (ball is on the tee)

Chuck,

I don't know, but I do know that I left out the 2007 version of Alfonso Soriano, who was as productive a Cubs centerfielder since at least the 2003 Patterson-Lofton tandem and probably since Jerome Walton won Rookie of the Year.