Firebarn Chris Coghlan Because Fuck You, That's Why

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Coghlan's fine, thought it's also fine that this is the biggest thing we can bitch about right now-- an eventual cockfight between LaStella and Coghlan for the LH-hitting utility guy.

I'd take LaStella every day and twice on Sunday, even if he is a little rodent.

Well that mole rat's on the DL, so you're going to have to settle for Coghlan wearing the bucket helmet for now.  He's fine.

[SKO]

Coghlan's fine, thought it's also fine that this is the biggest thing we can bitch about right now-- an eventual cockfight between LaStella and Coghlan for the LH-hitting utility guy.

I'd take LaStella every day and twice on Sunday, even if he is a little rodent.

Well that mole rat's on the DL, so you're going to have to settle for Coghlan wearing the bucket helmet for now.  He's fine.

You tolerate more bullshit than RV. What happened to you, man?

[Tonker]

Coghlan's fine, thought it's also fine that this is the biggest thing we can bitch about right now-- an eventual cockfight between LaStella and Coghlan for the LH-hitting utility guy.

This.  Coghlan is on the Cubs because they lost Schwarber, Soler and LaStella, for Christ's sake, you guys.  Would you care to take a stroll down memory lane to see what the Cubs have had in other injury-hit lineups over the last twenty years?  No, me neither.  Simmer down.

While we're here, by the way... agreeing with Huey on pretty much everything these days is a good thing, right?  Asking for a friend.

[Quality Start Machine]

Coghlan's fine, thought it's also fine that this is the biggest thing we can bitch about right now-- an eventual cockfight between LaStella and Coghlan for the LH-hitting utility guy.

I'd take LaStella every day and twice on Sunday, even if he is a little rodent.

Well that mole rat's on the DL, so you're going to have to settle for Coghlan wearing the bucket helmet for now.  He's fine.

I'd rather see Almora flailing away at big league pitching, knowing he won't be creating runs in the field.

[SKO]

Coghlan's fine, thought it's also fine that this is the biggest thing we can bitch about right now-- an eventual cockfight between LaStella and Coghlan for the LH-hitting utility guy.

This.  Coghlan is on the Cubs because they lost Schwarber, Soler and LaStella, for Christ's sake, you guys.  Would you care to take a stroll down memory lane to see what the Cubs have had in other injury-hit lineups over the last twenty years?  No, me neither.  Simmer down.

While we're here, by the way... agreeing with Huey on pretty much everything these days is a good thing, right?  Asking for a friend.

Coghlan literally ranks last, DEAD LAST, among all outfielders in the majors in WAR. He is terrible defensively.

They have Albert Almora on the roster who is not likely to hit, no, but he will catch everything out there. Better an offensive blackhole who offers a positive somewhere than a guy who is, and I must reiterate, THE WORST OUTFIELDER IN BASEBALL.

[SKO]

The Dodgers literally ate 30 million dollars just to get rid of Carl Crawford. Coghlan's been worse.

[SKO]

Would you care to take a stroll down memory lane to see what the Cubs have had in other injury-hit lineups over the last twenty years?  No, me neither.  Simmer down.

In 2002 Roosevelt Brown was worth 0.4 fWAR. 2003 Troy O'Leary was -0.3. Ramon Martinez in his entire Cub career? -0.8. Aaron Fucking Miles? -1.4

Coghlan's at -1.6 in not even half of a season. So really, all of those guys you are thinking of are better than Chris Coghlan has been this year.

[Quality Start Machine]

Coghlan sucks so hard he has me and SKO agreeing.

Of course, this is probably just SKO setting me up for stiffing me again on Fathers Day.

[SKO]

And before the "why bitch when they are 43-19 blah blah" comes, because 1) It's something to talk about and B)tolerating the worst outfielder in baseball is really not something the best team in baseball should do just because they are good.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

And before the "why bitch when they are 43-19 blah blah" comes, because 1) It's something to talk about and B)tolerating the worst outfielder in baseball is really not something the best team in baseball should do just because they are good.

Hey don't let me stop you. 

[Quality Start Machine]

And before the "why bitch when they are 43-19 blah blah" comes, because 1) It's something to talk about and B)tolerating the worst outfielder in baseball is really not something the best team in baseball should do just because they are good.

Hey don't let me stop you. 

As if you could.

[SKO]

I just really fucking hate Chris Coghlan. I hated him before it was cool and when it was probably illogical, and now there are bandwagon Coghlan haters trying to jump on, and that hate is 100% justified now because he is the worst outfielder in baseball and still has his greasy bare chest hanging out under his unbuttoned jersey as his awful walk up song plays and he spits disgustedly over his shoulder after taking another called strike right down the middle and yet some mother fuckers wanna come in here and say "golly gee, mister, the Cubs is so good and shucks remember how gosh darned awful some players on a team from who the fuck cares were probably worse so why bitch?" Oh no, no sir. I have earned the right to hate this chode with every fiber of my being. I have laid the groundwork and stated my case and God and the facts are on my side and no, no Tonk will come in here urging patience. No PANK will come down from the height of his potato tower and hypocritically tell me I have no cause for rage. Oh no sir.

[Eli]

Coghlan's fine, thought it's also fine that this is the biggest thing we can bitch about right now-- an eventual cockfight between LaStella and Coghlan for the LH-hitting utility guy.

This.  Coghlan is on the Cubs because they lost Schwarber, Soler and LaStella, for Christ's sake, you guys.  Would you care to take a stroll down memory lane to see what the Cubs have had in other injury-hit lineups over the last twenty years?  No, me neither.  Simmer down.

While we're here, by the way... agreeing with Huey on pretty much everything these days is a good thing, right?  Asking for a friend.

So, Tonk now loves Chris Coghlan and John Lackey. What a hill.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

I just really fucking hate Chris Coghlan. I hated him before it was cool and when it was probably illogical, and now there are bandwagon Coghlan haters trying to jump on, and that hate is 100% justified now because he is the worst outfielder in baseball and still has his greasy bare chest hanging out under his unbuttoned jersey as his awful walk up song plays and he spits disgustedly over his shoulder after taking another called strike right down the middle and yet some mother fuckers wanna come in here and say "golly gee, mister, the Cubs is so good and shucks remember how gosh darned awful some players on a team from who the fuck cares were probably worse so why bitch?" Oh no, no sir. I have earned the right to hate this chode with every fiber of my being. I have laid the groundwork and stated my case and God and the facts are on my side and no, no Tonk will come in here urging patience. No PANK will come down from the height of his potato tower and hypocritically tell me I have no cause for rage. Oh no sir.

Speaking of hills...

[SKO]

I just really fucking hate Chris Coghlan. I hated him before it was cool and when it was probably illogical, and now there are bandwagon Coghlan haters trying to jump on, and that hate is 100% justified now because he is the worst outfielder in baseball and still has his greasy bare chest hanging out under his unbuttoned jersey as his awful walk up song plays and he spits disgustedly over his shoulder after taking another called strike right down the middle and yet some mother fuckers wanna come in here and say "golly gee, mister, the Cubs is so good and shucks remember how gosh darned awful some players on a team from who the fuck cares were probably worse so why bitch?" Oh no, no sir. I have earned the right to hate this chode with every fiber of my being. I have laid the groundwork and stated my case and God and the facts are on my side and no, no Tonk will come in here urging patience. No PANK will come down from the height of his potato tower and hypocritically tell me I have no cause for rage. Oh no sir.

Speaking of hills...

When Bort wanders in here at 3 AM, he'll chuckle slightly, and the joke will have been worth it.