Firebarn Chris Coghlan Because Fuck You, That's Why

[SKO]

The Dodgers literally ate 30 million dollars just to get rid of Carl Crawford. Coghlan's been worse.

Pretty sure they didn't.

What do you think they have Ned Colleti doing these days? As long as they still have to pay him you'd better bet he's stuck in a basement somewhere slowly choking on stacks of Benjamins.

[Eli]

The Dodgers literally ate 30 million dollars just to get rid of Carl Crawford. Coghlan's been worse.

Pretty sure they didn't.

[Bort]

I just really fucking hate Chris Coghlan. I hated him before it was cool and when it was probably illogical, and now there are bandwagon Coghlan haters trying to jump on, and that hate is 100% justified now because he is the worst outfielder in baseball and still has his greasy bare chest hanging out under his unbuttoned jersey as his awful walk up song plays and he spits disgustedly over his shoulder after taking another called strike right down the middle and yet some mother fuckers wanna come in here and say "golly gee, mister, the Cubs is so good and shucks remember how gosh darned awful some players on a team from who the fuck cares were probably worse so why bitch?" Oh no, no sir. I have earned the right to hate this chode with every fiber of my being. I have laid the groundwork and stated my case and God and the facts are on my side and no, no Tonk will come in here urging patience. No PANK will come down from the height of his potato tower and hypocritically tell me I have no cause for rage. Oh no sir.

Speaking of hills...

When Bort wanders in here at 3 AM, he'll chuckle slightly, and the joke will have been worth it.

Validated.

[CT III]

I just really fucking hate Chris Coghlan. I hated him before it was cool and when it was probably illogical, and now there are bandwagon Coghlan haters trying to jump on, and that hate is 100% justified now because he is the worst outfielder in baseball and still has his greasy bare chest hanging out under his unbuttoned jersey as his awful walk up song plays and he spits disgustedly over his shoulder after taking another called strike right down the middle and yet some mother fuckers wanna come in here and say "golly gee, mister, the Cubs is so good and shucks remember how gosh darned awful some players on a team from who the fuck cares were probably worse so why bitch?" Oh no, no sir. I have earned the right to hate this chode with every fiber of my being. I have laid the groundwork and stated my case and God and the facts are on my side and no, no Tonk will come in here urging patience. No PANK will come down from the height of his potato tower and hypocritically tell me I have no cause for rage. Oh no sir.

Speaking of hills...

When Bort wanders in here at 3 AM, he'll chuckle slightly, and the joke will have been worth it.

Validated.

Shouldn't that last balloon say "Hail Hydra"?

Also, I am completely on board with irrationally (and now rationally) hating Chris Coghlan.  For some reason my psyche has chosen to project every try-hard respect the game one day at a time act like ya been there before don't flip your bat don't bunt to break up a no-hitter sterotype onto Coghlan.  I don't know if any of this is true, but it is for me, dammit.

[SKO]

I just really fucking hate Chris Coghlan. I hated him before it was cool and when it was probably illogical, and now there are bandwagon Coghlan haters trying to jump on, and that hate is 100% justified now because he is the worst outfielder in baseball and still has his greasy bare chest hanging out under his unbuttoned jersey as his awful walk up song plays and he spits disgustedly over his shoulder after taking another called strike right down the middle and yet some mother fuckers wanna come in here and say "golly gee, mister, the Cubs is so good and shucks remember how gosh darned awful some players on a team from who the fuck cares were probably worse so why bitch?" Oh no, no sir. I have earned the right to hate this chode with every fiber of my being. I have laid the groundwork and stated my case and God and the facts are on my side and no, no Tonk will come in here urging patience. No PANK will come down from the height of his potato tower and hypocritically tell me I have no cause for rage. Oh no sir.

Speaking of hills...

When Bort wanders in here at 3 AM, he'll chuckle slightly, and the joke will have been worth it.

Validated.

Shouldn't that last balloon say "Hail Hydra"?

Also, I am completely on board with irrationally (and now rationally) hating Chris Coghlan.  For some reason my psyche has chosen to project every try-hard respect the game one day at a time act like ya been there before don't flip your bat don't bunt to break up a no-hitter sterotype onto Coghlan.  I don't know if any of this is true, but it is for me, dammit.

He just seems like a joyless prick, and the few quotes we got from him last year reinforced that, when he bitched about being a platoon player and later not getting enough playing time when Schwarber and Soler and Castro were all outhitting him in the second half. He's probably a decent enough fellow in real life but on a team full of walking emojis that outwardly project a sense of fun and excitement, Coghlan as the grumpy white dude spitting disgustedly over his shoulder after every called strike he takes, staring daggers at the ump, and then providing the few negative comments the team had last year doesn't help his image.

Plus he really sucks.

[Saul Goodman]

I just really fucking hate Chris Coghlan. I hated him before it was cool and when it was probably illogical, and now there are bandwagon Coghlan haters trying to jump on, and that hate is 100% justified now because he is the worst outfielder in baseball and still has his greasy bare chest hanging out under his unbuttoned jersey as his awful walk up song plays and he spits disgustedly over his shoulder after taking another called strike right down the middle and yet some mother fuckers wanna come in here and say "golly gee, mister, the Cubs is so good and shucks remember how gosh darned awful some players on a team from who the fuck cares were probably worse so why bitch?" Oh no, no sir. I have earned the right to hate this chode with every fiber of my being. I have laid the groundwork and stated my case and God and the facts are on my side and no, no Tonk will come in here urging patience. No PANK will come down from the height of his potato tower and hypocritically tell me I have no cause for rage. Oh no sir.

Speaking of hills...

When Bort wanders in here at 3 AM, he'll chuckle slightly, and the joke will have been worth it.

Validated.

Shouldn't that last balloon say "Hail Hydra"?

Also, I am completely on board with irrationally (and now rationally) hating Chris Coghlan.  For some reason my psyche has chosen to project every try-hard respect the game one day at a time act like ya been there before don't flip your bat don't bunt to break up a no-hitter sterotype onto Coghlan.  I don't know if any of this is true, but it is for me, dammit.

He just seems like a joyless prick, and the few quotes we got from him last year reinforced that, when he bitched about being a platoon player and later not getting enough playing time when Schwarber and Soler and Castro were all outhitting him in the second half. He's probably a decent enough fellow in real life but on a team full of walking emojis that outwardly project a sense of fun and excitement, Coghlan as the grumpy white dude spitting disgustedly over his shoulder after every called strike he takes, staring daggers at the ump, and then providing the few negative comments the team had last year doesn't help his image.

Plus he really sucks.

Let's also not forget that the reason he was playing poorly was because Joe wasn't giving him enough playing time.

[Canadouche]

The thing is, the Cubs front office knows what we know, and certainly they know more, yet they brought him back anyway. Maybe the negatives (at least, regarding his personality and attitude) are being magnified a bit too much.

Still, he's a shitty hitter who brings nothing to the team.

[Saul Goodman]

The thing is, the Cubs front office knows what we know, and certainly they know more, yet they brought him back anyway. Maybe the negatives (at least, regarding his personality and attitude) are being magnified a bit too much.

Still, he's a shitty hitter who brings nothing to the team.

#analysis

[Quality Start Machine]

The thing is, the Cubs front office knows what we know, and certainly they know more, yet they brought him back anyway. Maybe the negatives (at least, regarding his personality and attitude) are being magnified a bit too much.

Still, he's a shitty hitter who brings nothing to the team.

Theo's secretary finally put you through?

[Canadouche]

The thing is, the Cubs front office knows what we know, and certainly they know more, yet they brought him back anyway. Maybe the negatives (at least, regarding his personality and attitude) are being magnified a bit too much.

Still, he's a shitty hitter who brings nothing to the team.

Theo's secretary finally put you through?

We have a standing appointment for her to put me through. She keeps rescheduling. Doesn't she know about GROTA!?

[Saul Goodman]

The thing is, the Cubs front office knows what we know, and certainly they know more, yet they brought him back anyway. Maybe the negatives (at least, regarding his personality and attitude) are being magnified a bit too much.

Still, he's a shitty hitter who brings nothing to the team.

Theo's secretary finally put you through?

We have a standing appointment for her to put me through. She keeps rescheduling. Doesn't she know about GROTA!?

Isn't it obvious she does?

[CBStew]

The thing is, the Cubs front office knows what we know, and certainly they know more, yet they brought him back anyway. Maybe the negatives (at least, regarding his personality and attitude) are being magnified a bit too much.

Still, he's a shitty hitter who brings nothing to the team.

Theo's secretary finally put you through?

We have a standing appointment for her to put me through. She keeps rescheduling. Doesn't she know about GROTA!?

Isn't it obvious she does?

Perhaps you should try telling her that you are selling subscriptions to Reader's Digest.

[Oleg]

The thing is, the Cubs front office knows what we know, and certainly they know more, yet they brought him back anyway. Maybe the negatives (at least, regarding his personality and attitude) are being magnified a bit too much.

Still, he's a shitty hitter who brings nothing to the team.

Theo's secretary finally put you through?

We have a standing appointment for her to put me through. She keeps rescheduling. Doesn't she know about GROTA!?

Isn't it obvious she does?

Perhaps you should try telling her that you are selling subscriptions to Reader's Digest.

Reader's Digest?  Who has that kind of time.  Just give me the gist.

[Quality Start Machine]

True story...

When I started this job in March, I made my password something related to Schwarber.

When the passwords expired, I referenced Teravainen.

Coughlan is next.

[Yeti]

True story...

When I started this job in March, I made my password something related to Schwarber.

When the passwords expired, I referenced Teravainen.

Coughlan is next.

Tom is already fired