2015 Cubs Offseason: Building a Winner Around David Ross

[Quality Start Machine]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

[R-V]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

[SKO]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

I would much prefer gambling on Scott Kazmir than John Lackey.

[Tony]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

[InternetApex]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

[PenFoe]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

[InternetApex]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

[PenFoe]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

Here's what's going happen:
Cueto 6/$130
Span 3/$40
Ross/Carrasco/Miller/Cost Controlled Young Pitcher in exchange for prospect that I'll get sad about

And we'll all be happy. 

[R-V]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

Here's what's going happen:
Cueto 6/$130
Span 3/$40
Ross/Carrasco/Miller/Cost Controlled Young Pitcher in exchange for prospect that I'll get sad about

And we'll all be happy.

Has there been any movement on Cueto at all? I've been seeing lots of rumors and discussion about slapdicks like Snork and Lackey but nothing about Cueto. Don't the Cardinals hate him too? Sign me up.

[Quality Start Machine]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

Here's what's going happen:
Cueto 6/$130
Span 3/$40
Ross/Carrasco/Miller/Cost Controlled Young Pitcher in exchange for prospect that I'll get sad about

And we'll all be happy. 

Carrasco is worth pretty much any prospect not named Schwarber or Russell. Hell, for him and Salazar, I'd offer up Schwarber and QSM.

[Tony]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

Here's what's going happen:
Cueto 6/$130
Span 3/$40
Ross/Carrasco/Miller/Cost Controlled Young Pitcher in exchange for prospect that I'll get sad about

And we'll all be happy.

Has there been any movement on Cueto at all? I've been seeing lots of rumors and discussion about slapdicks like Snork and Lackey but nothing about Cueto. Don't the Cardinals hate him too? Sign me up.

I don't get that either. Am I missing something? Why is Cueto the forgotten guy this off season?

[Oleg]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

Here's what's going happen:
Cueto 6/$130
Span 3/$40
Ross/Carrasco/Miller/Cost Controlled Young Pitcher in exchange for prospect that I'll get sad about

And we'll all be happy.

Has there been any movement on Cueto at all? I've been seeing lots of rumors and discussion about slapdicks like Snork and Lackey but nothing about Cueto. Don't the Cardinals hate him too? Sign me up.

Cueto's arm is going to fall off.  If The Cubs didn't go after Zimmermann or Price, there's no way they're giving Cueto 20MM+ per.

[PenFoe]

What's Cal-cu-lus?

[Eli]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

Here's what's going happen:
Cueto 6/$130
Span 3/$40
Ross/Carrasco/Miller/Cost Controlled Young Pitcher in exchange for prospect that I'll get sad about

And we'll all be happy. 

Carrasco is worth pretty much any prospect not named Schwarber or Russell. Hell, for him and Salazar, I'd offer up Schwarber and QSM.

Schwarber/Hendricks for Carrasco AND Salazar? Please stop this.

[Quality Start Machine]

Great. Lackey may be the only redass, mouthbreathing, Innsmouth dweller I irrationally dislike even more than Snork.

But he's he has been much better at what he does for a living.

But anything more than two years stinks worse than a sack of rotting assholes.

The issue with Lackey is that he's 37 damn years old. It'd be great if he pitched like he has the last 3 years, for the next 2 years. But there's a good chance a guy at that age could just fall off a cliff and become terrible.

This scares me too. Hasn't he been on borrowed time for a few seasons now?

HGH is a helluva drug. With one more contract in the bank, I could see him coasting into retirement clean and serene with an 88 mph fastball and a mouthful of his own stinking breath.

I hate Lackey and I don't want him on the Cubs at all. 

Snork
Lackey
Shelby Miller
Alex Gordon

No Soler. How many more tears Theo?

Here's what's going happen:
Cueto 6/$130
Span 3/$40
Ross/Carrasco/Miller/Cost Controlled Young Pitcher in exchange for prospect that I'll get sad about

And we'll all be happy. 

Carrasco is worth pretty much any prospect not named Schwarber or Russell. Hell, for him and Salazar, I'd offer up Schwarber and QSM.

Schwarber/Hendricks for Carrasco AND Salazar? Please stop this.

I thought we stipulated all trades also included Coghlan and Wood.