The "Jason Heyward Drinks Delicious Cardinal Tears" Sploogetime Thread

[Quality Start Machine]

Joe Sheehan (yes, your mileage may vary on the guy) had an interesting thought experiment in his offseason rundown of the shitty Marlins:

This is a Marlins team that has just $31 million in 2016 salary commitments, that finished below .500 in a lost year for its best players while competing in a five-team division in which two teams are openly tanking. The Marlins aren't likely to be better than the Mets or the Nationals this year, but they have just three years left on the Giancarlo Stanton/Jose Fernandez combination. When you start with that core -- and I'm aware that neither player is the picture of health -- you have an obligation to build around it. What duos are competitive with that pair, just based on raw talent? Kershaw/Seager? Bogaerts/Price? Correa/Springer doesn't get there, nor does Correa/Keuchel. I don't think I can pair up any Angel with Mike Trout to beat the Marlins. Hernandez/Cano? Harper/Scherzer is close. McCutchen/Cole, maybe. Bryant/Heyward? Posey/Bumgarner. Goldschmidt/Greinke. Oh, since I've come this far and the rules say I have to file for every team...

Top Duos, 2016

1. Harper/Scherzer, Nationals
2. Stanton/Fernandez, Marlins
3. Goldschmidt/Greinke, Diamondbacks
4. Rizzo/Heyward, Cubs
5. Posey/Bumgarner, Giants

I think what's scary is that the Cubs' 3-4 -- Arrieta/Bryant? -- could be in the top seven. Russell/Schwarber can't be that far behind. Hoo, boy. How many teams would not trade their top two players for Addison Russell and Kyle Schwarber? 12? 15?

I still kind of can't believe how much talent they're going to have this year.

In my damn-near-half-century of Cubs' baseball, I've never seen anything like this...and that includes my entry to the foray with 4 HOFers and a couple more all-stars in the lineup.

[Canadouche]

In some ways, the '88 Cubs were potentially spectacular. They boasted a still healthy Sutcliffe along with a young Maddux and Moyer. Their offense sported young Grace, Palmeiro, Dunston, and a serviceable Dave Martinez, along with future HoFers Andre Dawson and Ryne Sandberg. They could've been even better, had Lee Smith not been traded for peanuts.

And yet, the '16 Cubs are in a class of their own. If they stay healthy and avoid the sophomore slump, it could be a modern day Murderer's Row.

[PenFoe]

Suddenly, I'm really happy I held off on buying that Russell jersey.

[Bort]

But seriously--Russell got a good start at completely rinsing my palate of the bitter aftertaste of disappointment that was Mark Prior.  Wild like Heyward to finish the jorb.

I wild also like that.

Nobody is wild like Heyward.

[Quality Start Machine]

But seriously--Russell got a good start at completely rinsing my palate of the bitter aftertaste of disappointment that was Mark Prior.  Wild like Heyward to finish the jorb.

I wild also like that.

Nobody is wild like Heyward.

Is Wild Like Heyward on bumwine.com?

[Brownie]

In some ways, the '88 Cubs were potentially spectacular. They boasted a still healthy Sutcliffe along with a young Maddux and Moyer. Their offense sported young Grace, Palmeiro, Dunston, and a serviceable Dave Martinez, along with future HoFers Andre Dawson and Ryne Sandberg. They could've been even better, had Lee Smith not been traded for peanuts.

And yet, the '16 Cubs are in a class of their own. If they stay healthy and avoid the sophomore slump, it could be a modern day Murderer's Row.

Martinez was dealt after the break straight up for Mitch Webster. The Cubs got swept in a 5-game series with the Dodgers that weekend, too.

Grace came up in early May and the Cubs traded Leon Durham to the Reds for something called Pat Perry. The bullpen was godawful, but don't forget, they also had Goose Gossage on the team that year, giving them four Hall of Famers on the roster, plus Rafael Palmeiro and Jamie Moyer, who are in the Hall of Very Good. They also had Billy Williams as hitting coach that year.

In retrospect, 1989 shouldn't have been hard to foresee. If only Dallas Green were still GM!

[Tonker]

J-Hey updated the pictures on his Twitter page:



I'd imagine that St. Louis hospitals have seen their share of cardio-vascular patients this last couple of days.

[Saul Goodman]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

[Eli]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

This is stellar.

[Bort]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

This is stellar.

Matheny's reading comprehension is exactly what I would expect it to be.

[SKO]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

This is stellar.

Matheny's reading comprehension is exactly what I would expect it to be.

It's pretty great. He's incensed about Heyward saying something that's literally a mathematical fact: the Cardinals are older than the Cubs

[Quality Start Machine]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

This is stellar.

Matheny's reading comprehension is exactly what I would expect it to be.

It's pretty great. He's incensed about Heyward saying something that's literally a mathematical fact: the Cardinals are older than the Cubs

Hearing the BFIB boo Heyward for taking less money to go to a younger, better team will be the sweetest thing I've heard since the first time I heard "God Only Knows".

[Bort]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

This is stellar.

Matheny's reading comprehension is exactly what I would expect it to be.

It's pretty great. He's incensed about Heyward saying something that's literally a mathematical fact: the Cardinals are older than the Cubs

Hearing the BFIB boo Heyward for taking less money to go to a younger, better team will be the sweetest thing I've heard since the first time I heard "God Only Knows".

How can this post be so utterly Fork and yet also be correct?

[Quality Start Machine]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

This is stellar.

Matheny's reading comprehension is exactly what I would expect it to be.

It's pretty great. He's incensed about Heyward saying something that's literally a mathematical fact: the Cardinals are older than the Cubs

Hearing the BFIB boo Heyward for taking less money to go to a younger, better team will be the sweetest thing I've heard since the first time I heard "God Only Knows".

How can this post be so utterly Fork and yet also be correct?

It's a Solstice miracle!

[ChuckD]

Our shiny new outfielder is already winding Matheny up, and I love it. Careful, Jason, they'll throw at your head!

Jason Heyward says one reason he chose the Cubs over the Cardinals is that the Cubs' young core is likely to be with the team longer than the Cardinals' core is. "You have Yadier (Molina), who is going to be done in two years maybe. You have Matt Holliday, who is probably going to be done soon," Heyward told reporters, including Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. "I felt like if I was to look up in three years and see a completely different team, that would kind of be difficult." Cardinals manager Mike Matheny says he believes in the core of his team and takes issue with Heyward's comments, Rick Hummel of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports. "I don't blame him. But I don't like it," says Matheny. "I don't think we have anything to apologize for in having a group like a Holliday, a Molina, a Wainwright. ... [H]e's a young player. But I can't say I'm in any kind of agreement with that (Chicago) core being better than any kind of core that we have."

This is stellar.

Matheny's reading comprehension is exactly what I would expect it to be.

It's pretty great. He's incensed about Heyward saying something that's literally a mathematical fact: the Cardinals are older than the Cubs

Hearing the BFIB boo Heyward for taking less money to go to a younger, better team will be the sweetest thing I've heard since the first time I heard "God Only Knows".

How can this post be so utterly Fork and yet also be correct?

Because the BFIB provide a perfect moral compass.