The "Jason Heyward Drinks Delicious Cardinal Tears" Sploogetime Thread

[Chuck to Chuck]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

[SKO]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

[flannj]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

SKO bringing it.

[Oleg]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

The saving grace for me is that Chuck doesn't really like The Cubs.

[Chuck to Chuck]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

Show me. I was a pretty staunch Z defender.  At least until he couldn't get people out anymore.  And at that point, I didn't rip him. I just thought his arm was gone.

Maybe my memory is faded on this.

[SKO]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

Show me. I was a pretty staunch Z defender.  At least until he couldn't get people out anymore.

You are specifically saying you are fine with Heyward sucking at his job because he is upset about it, and your rebuttal to my argument is that you were okay with Z until he started sucking at his job and getting really upset about it?

[Chuck to Chuck]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

Show me. I was a pretty staunch Z defender.  At least until he couldn't get people out anymore.

You are specifically saying you are fine with Heyward sucking at his job because he is upset about it, and your rebuttal to my argument is that you were okay with Z until he started sucking at his job and getting really upset about it?

A) Heyward "provides value in two of the three phases of the game." He doesn't "suck at this job".  Who you crappin', Capt. Strawman?

B) Looking back at some of my posts from 2007-2010, I was in favor of Z being traded once he went to the pen, but didn't rip on him.  I was in favor of Z getting a big contract, but not when he demanded it in the spring of 2007.  I was in favor of him keeping quiet and for Lou getting him straight (Lou did that).  From what I remember and can re-read, I never ripped the guy for his outbursts.  I was simply ok with his leaving.

What I'm saying is: It's pretty easy to give a guy the emotional pass (read: not hate the guy) when he himself is clearly frustrated and appears to be trying very hard to fix what's wrong.  Unlike a Korey or a Jacqueshit or a Milton or an A Sor.

[SKO]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

Show me. I was a pretty staunch Z defender.  At least until he couldn't get people out anymore.

You are specifically saying you are fine with Heyward sucking at his job because he is upset about it, and your rebuttal to my argument is that you were okay with Z until he started sucking at his job and getting really upset about it?

A) Heyward "provides value in two of the three phases of the game." He doesn't "suck at this job".  Who you crappin', Capt. Strawman?

B) Looking back at some of my posts from 2007-2010, I was in favor of Z being traded once he went to the pen, but didn't rip on him.  I was in favor of Z getting a big contract, but not when he demanded it in the spring of 2007.  I was in favor of him keeping quiet and for Lou getting him straight (Lou did that).  From what I remember and can re-read, I never ripped the guy for his outbursts.  I was simply ok with his leaving.

What I'm saying is: It's pretty easy to give a guy the emotional pass (read: not hate the guy) when he himself is clearly frustrated and appears to be trying very hard to fix what's wrong.  Unlike a Korey or a Jacqueshit or a Milton or an A Sor.

Again that's fucking mind reading or body language analysis and it's pure hackery. You have zero evidence that Heyward works harder and is more upset by his struggles than Soriano or Jacque were. You just want to not hate *this* overpaid player because you predetermined not to, whereas you shit all over Soriano because you predetermined he wasn't worth a contract he largely deserved.

Much like you decided Almora "just needed more time" when he couldnt hit a thing in AA but Javy "had zero trade value" because he was a Hendry pick and thus destined to fail. All of this is your confirmation bias.

[Eli]

His swing was very ugly, very mistimed, and very not good last night. Against a guy that throws 88 mph. I just don't know. He should have teed off on Weaver. He had several meatballs to crush, but let them float across the middle of the plate untouched.

I will never hate on Heyward at all. He leaves it out there on defense with every breath he takes. I'm not expecting much of anything down the stretch from him. All I can really hope for is that he takes his walks and makes productive outs with RISP. I mean I want the moon for this guy, but I think this year on offense is shot.

At this point I'm just hoping he has an inexplicably hot postseason, which would pretty much make up for everything.

Saving grace for him in my book is that he's clearly as pissed as we all are.

This is kind of dumb and requires body language analysis or "fucking mind reading". I'm sure Jason is frustrated as hell, so are most athletes who are struggling at their chosen profession, we rarely give most of them a pass.

Jason seems like a good dude who provides value in two of the three phases of the game and hopefully his  bat comes around, but "he's mad he sucks" doesn't move the needle for me. Awful, Awful Soriano actually earned the first year of his mega deal far more than Jason has so far and I don't remember you ever giving him a pass for even the slightest slump.

Hell I can remember more than a few times you ripped on Zambrano for showing his disgust over struggling.

Show me. I was a pretty staunch Z defender.  At least until he couldn't get people out anymore.

You are specifically saying you are fine with Heyward sucking at his job because he is upset about it, and your rebuttal to my argument is that you were okay with Z until he started sucking at his job and getting really upset about it?

A) Heyward "provides value in two of the three phases of the game." He doesn't "suck at this job".  Who you crappin', Capt. Strawman?

B) Looking back at some of my posts from 2007-2010, I was in favor of Z being traded once he went to the pen, but didn't rip on him.  I was in favor of Z getting a big contract, but not when he demanded it in the spring of 2007.  I was in favor of him keeping quiet and for Lou getting him straight (Lou did that).  From what I remember and can re-read, I never ripped the guy for his outbursts.  I was simply ok with his leaving.

What I'm saying is: It's pretty easy to give a guy the emotional pass (read: not hate the guy) when he himself is clearly frustrated and appears to be trying very hard to fix what's wrong.  Unlike a Korey or a Jacqueshit or a Milton or an A Sor.

yes, please give me a guy that shows da fyre and da passhun.

[Saul Goodman]

Fox Sports 1 Exec: Cowherd, Whitlock OUT On "Speak For Yourself," New Hosts Will Be Internet Chuck, SKO

[Brownie]

Jason Heyward is a guy who plays baseball. He plays it for the Cubs now, but he used to play it for the Cardinals and the Braves. He once made Carlos Zambrano clearly pissed on Opening Day 2010. He once was good at baseball like Carlos Zambrano was good at baseball. Carlos Zambrano was at Wrigley Field yesterday. Jason Heyward runs the bases well. He also plays right field as well as any Cub I remember since Andre Dawson. Andre Dawson used to play for the Cubs in the 1980s, coming here as a free agent in early March 1987. The Number One song in early March 1987 was Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi is from New Jersey. The Governor of New Jersey is Chris Christie. My brother and I literally bumped into an orange-sweater clad Chris Christie before Game 3 of the 2015 NLCS. Chris Christie was a guest of the Ricketts family. Back in 1987, my junior high band teacher was Mr. Christie. I think his first name is John. I really enjoyed the 1987 baseball season, as Andre Dawson was the Cubs right fielder and he hit everything in sight, the Brewers won the first 13 games of the season and the Tigers and Blue Jays fought to the end for the AL East title. Also, the Giants should have beaten the Cardinals in the NLCS. Raise your hand if you loved Jeff (or is it Jeffrey) Leonard and his one-flap down home run trot during the 1987 NLCS? Why did Roger Craig start Atlee Hamaker in Game 7? No matter, the 85-win Twins beat the Cardinals in that World Series and it was cool when Don Baylor and Kent Hrbek hit a three-run homer and a grand slam, respectively in Game 6 in Minnesota. The capital of Minnesota is St. Paul. St. Paul was originally known as Saul, but changed his name upon his conversion to Christianity. St. Paul was a prolific writer. He is in fact the patron saint of writing, journalism, publishing, and probably even blogging and messageboard trolling. I'm not sure how St. Paul compares to Kierekegaard. Kierkegaard is Danish. Occasionally, I will enjoy a Danish in the morning. Fast fact: Tonker is not Danish, nor Deutsch, nor Dutch, even though he is supposedly one by residence and another by marriage.

In other words, the Cubs are 12 games up on the Cardinals, and we're bitching about a guy who has cost the Cubs exactly what this year?

[flannj]

Jason Heyward is a guy who plays baseball. He plays it for the Cubs now, but he used to play it for the Cardinals and the Braves. He once made Carlos Zambrano clearly pissed on Opening Day 2010. He once was good at baseball like Carlos Zambrano was good at baseball. Carlos Zambrano was at Wrigley Field yesterday. Jason Heyward runs the bases well. He also plays right field as well as any Cub I remember since Andre Dawson. Andre Dawson used to play for the Cubs in the 1980s, coming here as a free agent in early March 1987. The Number One song in early March 1987 was Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi is from New Jersey. The Governor of New Jersey is Chris Christie. My brother and I literally bumped into an orange-sweater clad Chris Christie before Game 3 of the 2015 NLCS. Chris Christie was a guest of the Ricketts family. Back in 1987, my junior high band teacher was Mr. Christie. I think his first name is John. I really enjoyed the 1987 baseball season, as Andre Dawson was the Cubs right fielder and he hit everything in sight, the Brewers won the first 13 games of the season and the Tigers and Blue Jays fought to the end for the AL East title. Also, the Giants should have beaten the Cardinals in the NLCS. Raise your hand if you loved Jeff (or is it Jeffrey) Leonard and his one-flap down home run trot during the 1987 NLCS? Why did Roger Craig start Atlee Hamaker in Game 7? No matter, the 85-win Twins beat the Cardinals in that World Series and it was cool when Don Baylor and Kent Hrbek hit a three-run homer and a grand slam, respectively in Game 6 in Minnesota. The capital of Minnesota is St. Paul. St. Paul was originally known as Saul, but changed his name upon his conversion to Christianity. St. Paul was a prolific writer. He is in fact the patron saint of writing, journalism, publishing, and probably even blogging and messageboard trolling. I'm not sure how St. Paul compares to Kierekegaard. Kierkegaard is Danish. Occasionally, I will enjoy a Danish in the morning. Fast fact: Tonker is not Danish, nor Deutsch, nor Dutch, even though he is supposedly one by residence and another by marriage.

In other words, the Cubs are 12 games up on the Cardinals, and we're bitching about a guy who has cost the Cubs exactly what this year?

I love this place.

[Bonk]

Jason Heyward is a guy who plays baseball. He plays it for the Cubs now, but he used to play it for the Cardinals and the Braves. He once made Carlos Zambrano clearly pissed on Opening Day 2010. He once was good at baseball like Carlos Zambrano was good at baseball. Carlos Zambrano was at Wrigley Field yesterday. Jason Heyward runs the bases well. He also plays right field as well as any Cub I remember since Andre Dawson. Andre Dawson used to play for the Cubs in the 1980s, coming here as a free agent in early March 1987. The Number One song in early March 1987 was Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Bon Jovi is from New Jersey. The Governor of New Jersey is Chris Christie. My brother and I literally bumped into an orange-sweater clad Chris Christie before Game 3 of the 2015 NLCS. Chris Christie was a guest of the Ricketts family. Back in 1987, my junior high band teacher was Mr. Christie. I think his first name is John. I really enjoyed the 1987 baseball season, as Andre Dawson was the Cubs right fielder and he hit everything in sight, the Brewers won the first 13 games of the season and the Tigers and Blue Jays fought to the end for the AL East title. Also, the Giants should have beaten the Cardinals in the NLCS. Raise your hand if you loved Jeff (or is it Jeffrey) Leonard and his one-flap down home run trot during the 1987 NLCS? Why did Roger Craig start Atlee Hamaker in Game 7? No matter, the 85-win Twins beat the Cardinals in that World Series and it was cool when Don Baylor and Kent Hrbek hit a three-run homer and a grand slam, respectively in Game 6 in Minnesota. The capital of Minnesota is St. Paul. St. Paul was originally known as Saul, but changed his name upon his conversion to Christianity. St. Paul was a prolific writer. He is in fact the patron saint of writing, journalism, publishing, and probably even blogging and messageboard trolling. I'm not sure how St. Paul compares to Kierekegaard. Kierkegaard is Danish. Occasionally, I will enjoy a Danish in the morning. Fast fact: Tonker is not Danish, nor Deutsch, nor Dutch, even though he is supposedly one by residence and another by marriage.

In other words, the Cubs are 12 games up on the Cardinals, and we're bitching about a guy who has cost the Cubs exactly what this year?

$21.6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666 <bar over final six> million.

[SKO]

Christ on a bike

[SKO]

Fuck this goddamn gutless fucking asshole