The "Jason Heyward Drinks Delicious Cardinal Tears" Sploogetime Thread

[Wheezer]

Holy fucking shit

Your disappointment is duly noted.

[Saul Goodman]

Jason Heyward: a great Cub, or the greatest Cub?

[Tonker]

Jason Heyward: a great Cub, or the greatest Cub?

The greatest great Cub.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Holy fucking shit

Too bad he's not dead amirite

[SKO]

Holy fucking shit

Too bad he's not dead amirite

Are you sure we aren't all dead

[Quality Start Machine]

Holy fucking shit

Too bad he's not dead amirite

Are you sure we aren't all dead

The only one dead is the guy who had to stay up all night editing all the Cubs' scoreboard hype videos to add that home run.

[Quality Start Machine]

Normally I wouldn't get too excited about a guy with a .760 OPS and a WRC+ of 106, but here we are.

Nice work, Chili. Now fix KB.

[SKO]

Normally I wouldn't get too excited about a guy with a .760 OPS and a WRC+ of 106, but here we are.

Nice work, Chili. Now fix KB.

I will take a 106 wRC+ with Heyward's defense and baserunning for sure, but even better is that he's hitting .307/.366/.465/.831 against RHP. Considering Schwarber is currently boasting a .323/.447/.387/.834 line vs LHP and they have Almora/Zobrist/Happ etc they don't really need to start Heyward vs lefties, just let him keep raking as the long side of a platoon with Happ in RF.

[Tonker]

Bumped to point out that JHey currently has an OPS higher than Ballgame, Bodie, the Colonel, 1060 and JIMMY BUTTHOLE, and is only .003 behind BRONZE BITS.  In short, he's an actual productive member of a major league outfield.  I heartily, heartily positive this.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Bumped to point out that JHey currently has an OPS higher than Ballgame, Bodie, the Colonel, 1060 and JIMMY BUTTHOLE, and is only .003 behind BRONZE BITS.  In short, he's an actual productive member of a major league outfield.  I heartily, heartily positive this.

What if he just died? He could just die and that'd be great. Just never bother me again

[SKO]

Bumped to point out that JHey currently has an OPS higher than Ballgame, Bodie, the Colonel, 1060 and JIMMY BUTTHOLE, and is only .003 behind BRONZE BITS.  In short, he's an actual productive member of a major league outfield.  I heartily, heartily positive this.

What if he just died? He could just die and that'd be great. Just never bother me again

What if he did die, and they found someone that looks a lot like Jason Heyward and can actually hit a baseball? Never thought of that one, did ya

[Oleg]

Bumped to point out that JHey currently has an OPS higher than Ballgame, Bodie, the Colonel, 1060 and JIMMY BUTTHOLE, and is only .003 behind BRONZE BITS.  In short, he's an actual productive member of a major league outfield.  I heartily, heartily positive this.

Can't we leave the fucking stupid nicknames in the dustbin of Slack?  Must we sully this glorious message board with that garbage?

[SKO]

but really though it's great that he's hitting because he's an eminently likeable dude and the skillset of Good Jason Heyward is exactly the thing this offense has missed at times, which is, y'know, why they signed him in the first place.

[Canadouche]

but really though it's great that he's hitting because he's an eminently likeable dude and the skillset of Good Jason Heyward is exactly the thing this offense has missed at times, which is, y'know, why they signed him in the first place.

I like him a ton - and I'm glad he's finally hitting. But, I mean, they're still paying 28 million to a guy projected to hit 25 doubles, 7 triples, and 9 homers this season.

[Tonker]

Bumped to point out that JHey currently has an OPS higher than Ballgame, Bodie, the Colonel, 1060 and JIMMY BUTTHOLE, and is only .003 behind BRONZE BITS.  In short, he's an actual productive member of a major league outfield.  I heartily, heartily positive this.

Can't we leave the fucking stupid nicknames in the dustbin of Slack?  Must we sully this glorious message board with that garbage?

No; yes.