John Lackey's Blazing Horse House Inferno

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

7 innings, 2 ER, 11 Ks on a hitters day at Wrigley.

Seriously, fuck this guy fucks.

Stop trying to make "fetch" happen.

I'm pretty sure it's a Silicon Valley reference, which means I encourage it. 

Stop trying to make Silicon Valley happen.

To their credit, that show is good.

Stop trying to make conciliatory neutrality happen.

Stop trying to make stop trying to make ____ happen happen.

It's Gonna Happen

It's Gonna Gotta Hai.

PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION'd

[SKO]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

[InternetApex]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such  a person. Lackey isn't like that.

[ChuckD]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

[Bort]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Yep. Although, I guess I'd like anyone that punched A.J. Eyechart.

[Chuck to Chuck]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Nah. Lackey's a prick who is pretty good.  Barrett is a fucking idiot who was awful awful.

[SKO]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Nah. Lackey's a prick who is pretty good.  Barrett is a fucking idiot who was awful awful.

Barrett was worth 7.5 WAR in his three full seasons as a Cub. I get that you are dumb and say things like "Alfonso Soriano was bad", but if we're making comps of "unlikeable assholes who were pretty decent in a Cub uniform" Barrett most definitely fits the bill.

[ChuckD]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Yep. Although, I guess I'd like anyone that punched A.J. Eyechart.

Pierzynski and Zambrano are the two most notable examples of "guys you hate except when they're on your team" and Barrett's probably most famous for fighting both of them.

A Lackey/Barrett would've been something to behold.

[InternetApex]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Yep. Although, I guess I'd like anyone that punched A.J. Eyechart.

Pierzynski and Zambrano are the two most notable examples of "guys you hate except when they're on your team" and Barrett's probably most famous for fighting both of them.

A Lackey/Barrett would've been something to behold.

Like if they had a kid? It would probably turn out like Rah Rah.

[Bort]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Yep. Although, I guess I'd like anyone that punched A.J. Eyechart.

Pierzynski and Zambrano are the two most notable examples of "guys you hate except when they're on your team" and Barrett's probably most famous for fighting both of them.

A Lackey/Barrett would've been something to behold.

Like if they had a kid? It would probably turn out like Rah Rah.

I laughed heartily.

[Chuck to Chuck]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Nah. Lackey's a prick who is pretty good.  Barrett is a fucking idiot who was awful awful.

Barrett was worth 7.5 WAR in his three full seasons as a Cub. I get that you are dumb and say things like "Alfonso Soriano was bad", but if we're making comps of "unlikeable assholes who were pretty decent in a Cub uniform" Barrett most definitely fits the bill.

BBR has him at 5.8 for three seasons. Below their benchmark of 2.0 for bottom level starter.

And there's this.

[SKO]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Nah. Lackey's a prick who is pretty good.  Barrett is a fucking idiot who was awful awful.

Barrett was worth 7.5 WAR in his three full seasons as a Cub. I get that you are dumb and say things like "Alfonso Soriano was bad", but if we're making comps of "unlikeable assholes who were pretty decent in a Cub uniform" Barrett most definitely fits the bill.

BBR has him at 5.8 for three seasons. Below their benchmark of 2.0 for bottom level starter.

And there's this.

2 WAR is average, not "bottom level starter." Montero last year was worth 1.8 bWAR. Barrett was an above average  starter  for three years and a jackass his entire life.

[SKO]

DPD, from 2004-2006 Barret was 11th, 9th, and 11th among catchers in bWAR. God dammit,  Chuck.  You  are so wrong you made me defend  Michael Barrett

[J. Walter Weatherman]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Nah. Lackey's a prick who is pretty good.  Barrett is a fucking idiot who was awful awful.

Barrett was worth 7.5 WAR in his three full seasons as a Cub. I get that you are dumb and say things like "Alfonso Soriano was bad", but if we're making comps of "unlikeable assholes who were pretty decent in a Cub uniform" Barrett most definitely fits the bill.

BBR has him at 5.8 for three seasons. Below their benchmark of 2.0 for bottom level starter.

And there's this.

2 WAR is average, not "bottom level starter." Montero last year was worth 1.8 bWAR. Barrett was an above average  starter  for three years and a jackass his entire life.

Chuck's own goddamn link has Barrett at a total of 1.6 WAA (wins above average) over those three seasons.

That's 0.0 WAA, 0.5 WAA and 1.1 WAA each season, respectively. Which is to say: average (2004), above average (2005) and top 100 in all of MLB (2006).

[Saul Goodman]

That was a well pitched ball game but he can still get fucked for being such a red ass over a dude admiring a massive bomb. Also, if you're going to yell at a dude for not hustling around the bases after a bomb, maybe get your lazy ass over and cover first on a grounder.

There are guys who you absolutely loathe when they're on the other team and then you love them when they're on yours. Carlos Zambrano is such person. Lackey isn't like that.

Lackey's more like Michael Barrett.

Nah. Lackey's a prick who is pretty good.  Barrett is a fucking idiot who was awful awful.

Barrett was worth 7.5 WAR in his three full seasons as a Cub. I get that you are dumb and say things like "Alfonso Soriano was bad", but if we're making comps of "unlikeable assholes who were pretty decent in a Cub uniform" Barrett most definitely fits the bill.

BBR has him at 5.8 for three seasons. Below their benchmark of 2.0 for bottom level starter.

And there's this.

2 WAR is average, not "bottom level starter." Montero last year was worth 1.8 bWAR. Barrett was an above average  starter  for three years and a jackass his entire life.

Chuck's own goddamn link has Barrett at a total of 1.6 WAA (wins above average) over those three seasons.

That's 0.0 WAA, 0.5 WAA and 1.1 WAA each season, respectively. Which is to say: average (2004), above average (2005) and top 100 in all of MLB (2006).

That's just classic him.