Cubs 2017 Let's Win Two!

[flannj]

They are the 1986 Bears, they'll lose to Washington who'll lose to the league/conference champ setting up a New York/Denver championship that they'll play for reasons unknown in Pasadena, California, and featuring a team John Elway once played for and a team representing the National Conference/League that we Cubs fans will know even in 2048 were NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS THE 2016 CUBS!! (And we'll say that in between car commercials featuring Ben Zobrist, Jason Hammel and Tommy LaStella).

All we need is for Ryan Braun to body slam Jon Lester, making Joe Maddon to get an undrafted kid out of Ohio State take his spot in the rotation before finding Pedro Martinez's midget friend out of Boston to come in to pitch game 5 of the NLDS against Washington.

So who's going to be Leslie Frazier?

[CBStew]

They are the 1986 Bears, they'll lose to Washington who'll lose to the league/conference champ setting up a New York/Denver championship that they'll play for reasons unknown in Pasadena, California, and featuring a team John Elway once played for and a team representing the National Conference/League that we Cubs fans will know even in 2048 were NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS THE 2016 CUBS!! (And we'll say that in between car commercials featuring Ben Zobrist, Jason Hammel and Tommy LaStella).

All we need is for Ryan Braun to body slam Jon Lester, making Joe Maddon to get an undrafted kid out of Ohio State take his spot in the rotation before finding Pedro Martinez's midget friend out of Boston to come in to pitch game 5 of the NLDS against Washington.

Que?

[Eli]

Cubs 2017 Let's Win Two!

Or even one!

After seeing Chuck wanting to send the whole team to Iowa (sending someone to Iowa to straighten him out didn't work for the Gitles family in the mid-80s), comparing the 2017 Cubs to the 2004 Cubs, and almost cheerleading this 5-game skid, I will say the 2017 World Series Game 4 win at Wrigley Field to continue the Cubs' 14-game postseason winning streak will be the world's largest FYC ever.

I agree. Chuck, it's like you want them to fail.
Oh wait, you're Chuck.

Comparing a reigning world championship team that seems, if anything, to be struggling largely because of slumping young players and veteran pitchers who are showing the wear and tear of an extra month and a half of (successful) high leverage, high stress pitches to the 2004 Cubs, an entitled group of veteran asshats is pretty Chuck-ian.

You're missing the point.  It's how the Cubs are making Chuck feel.  He's unhappy that they're not winning and are underperforming just like in 2004.  Ergo, 2017 Cubs = 2004 Cubs and it's TIME TO START THROWING THE TOYS AROUND THE ROOM. 

I realize sports are going to be really  boring if we respond "they just won the World Series" to everything and I understand why everyone wants them to be good right now and why they should be good right now and why it is frustrating they aren't. That said, THEY JUST FUCKIN WON THE WORLD SERIES. Has Kyle Schwarber really done nothing for you that you can't weather one bad f--king month (and it has been one bad month, his OPS was sitting above .800 as late as April 22nd) before you want to boot him to the fucking minors for no reason other than "I dunno but fuck him"? Nobody has to be happy their team is losing and no one rants about the Cubs Twitter Rational Fan "Only Meatballs Ever Feel Anger About Sportz" crap more than me but jesus, give them a break.

Shit, the main two issues with this team are pitching and hitting with RISP. In both cases there's every statistical argument to be made that nothing really is preventing them from being a very good team other than bad luck. They have one of the worst HR/FB %s as a staff of any team in baseball but have allowed the 6th fewest fly balls, period. Every damn ball hit in the air against them finds the seats. That should be unsustainable. Same with them having a top ten offense with nobody on base and the absolute worst offense with RISP. It's just bad luck. It's cruel and annoying and watching a team fail to score over and over is the worst thing in sports but find some higher-level response than "DURR DEMOTE EVERYBODY NOW".

Be better than Yellon, for fuck's sake.

They've been bad at hitting with RISP for over two full seasons now. There may be something to it.

[Brownie]

They are the 1986 Bears, they'll lose to Washington who'll lose to the league/conference champ setting up a New York/Denver championship that they'll play for reasons unknown in Pasadena, California, and featuring a team John Elway once played for and a team representing the National Conference/League that we Cubs fans will know even in 2048 were NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS THE 2016 CUBS!! (And we'll say that in between car commercials featuring Ben Zobrist, Jason Hammel and Tommy LaStella).

All we need is for Ryan Braun to body slam Jon Lester, making Joe Maddon to get an undrafted kid out of Ohio State take his spot in the rotation before finding Pedro Martinez's midget friend out of Boston to come in to pitch game 5 of the NLDS against Washington.

So who's going to be Leslie Frazier?

Dexter Fowler is Wilber Marshall two years premature; We can make Jorge Soler Leslie Frazier with his bad legs and never seen again on the field.

[SKO]

Cubs 2017 Let's Win Two!

Or even one!

After seeing Chuck wanting to send the whole team to Iowa (sending someone to Iowa to straighten him out didn't work for the Gitles family in the mid-80s), comparing the 2017 Cubs to the 2004 Cubs, and almost cheerleading this 5-game skid, I will say the 2017 World Series Game 4 win at Wrigley Field to continue the Cubs' 14-game postseason winning streak will be the world's largest FYC ever.

I agree. Chuck, it's like you want them to fail.
Oh wait, you're Chuck.

Comparing a reigning world championship team that seems, if anything, to be struggling largely because of slumping young players and veteran pitchers who are showing the wear and tear of an extra month and a half of (successful) high leverage, high stress pitches to the 2004 Cubs, an entitled group of veteran asshats is pretty Chuck-ian.

You're missing the point.  It's how the Cubs are making Chuck feel.  He's unhappy that they're not winning and are underperforming just like in 2004.  Ergo, 2017 Cubs = 2004 Cubs and it's TIME TO START THROWING THE TOYS AROUND THE ROOM. 

I realize sports are going to be really  boring if we respond "they just won the World Series" to everything and I understand why everyone wants them to be good right now and why they should be good right now and why it is frustrating they aren't. That said, THEY JUST FUCKIN WON THE WORLD SERIES. Has Kyle Schwarber really done nothing for you that you can't weather one bad f--king month (and it has been one bad month, his OPS was sitting above .800 as late as April 22nd) before you want to boot him to the fucking minors for no reason other than "I dunno but fuck him"? Nobody has to be happy their team is losing and no one rants about the Cubs Twitter Rational Fan "Only Meatballs Ever Feel Anger About Sportz" crap more than me but jesus, give them a break.

Shit, the main two issues with this team are pitching and hitting with RISP. In both cases there's every statistical argument to be made that nothing really is preventing them from being a very good team other than bad luck. They have one of the worst HR/FB %s as a staff of any team in baseball but have allowed the 6th fewest fly balls, period. Every damn ball hit in the air against them finds the seats. That should be unsustainable. Same with them having a top ten offense with nobody on base and the absolute worst offense with RISP. It's just bad luck. It's cruel and annoying and watching a team fail to score over and over is the worst thing in sports but find some higher-level response than "DURR DEMOTE EVERYBODY NOW".

Be better than Yellon, for fuck's sake.

They've been bad at hitting with RISP for over two full seasons now. There may be something to it.

They've been mostly middle of the pack since they really clicked offensively in the 2nd half of 2015. I think the issue is they're a team built to walk and hit 3 run dingers as Earl Weaver would want and right now their power hitters are slumping. I can't say when that'll change.

[Saul Goodman]

Good news: Everything is fine now. The boys are back in town.

[Saul Goodman]

Nick Cafardo has some bad news: the Cubs are "trending down." This is because David Ross retired, and David Ross was the only adult in the room, and without David Ross being an adult in the room the lack of an adult (David Ross) in the room has caused them to lose. That lack of an adult (David Ross) is huge.

No, seriously, that's the bulk of his analysis.

[Saul Goodman]

TPD! Brewers lost so the Cubs are back in first (a tie, but still). Everything is fine. Keep winning though.

[Quality Start Machine]

Last night after the game it was mentioned that Jon Lester had a talk with everyone after the San Diego debacle.

I'm guessing Lackey stood off to the side eating babies while Lester talked.

[Chuck to Chuck]

TPD! Brewers lost so the Cubs are back in first (a tie, but still). Everything is fine. Keep winning though.

Don't let Huey hear you say this.

[SKO]

TPD! Brewers lost so the Cubs are back in first (a tie, but still). Everything is fine. Keep winning though.

I believe the NL Central is playing a repeat of 2014, with the Cubs playing the role of the Cardinals this time as the reigning NL-champion who gets off to a sluggish start before a second half/long postseason run. The Brewers reprising their role as surprising early leader that fades into oblivion, and the Cardinals playing the 2014 Reds, the former contender slowly realizing their window is closing fast.

[Quality Start Machine]

TPD! Brewers lost so the Cubs are back in first (a tie, but still). Everything is fine. Keep winning though.

I believe the NL Central is playing a repeat of 2014, with the Cubs playing the role of the Cardinals this time as the reigning NL-champion who gets off to a sluggish start before a second half/long postseason run. The Brewers reprising their role as surprising early leader that fades into oblivion, and the Cardinals playing the 2014 Reds, the former contender slowly realizing their window is closing fast.

I can't tell if their window is closing, since there's already plywood over it.

[Saul Goodman]

Had no idea Elisabeth Moss is a Cubs fan.  Scientology is weird, but she's still better than Belushi.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Had no idea Elisabeth Moss is a Cubs fan.  Scientology is weird a cult that physically abuses people, forces women to have abortions, and bullied the IRS into granting tax exempt status, but she's still better than Belushi.

Remini'd

[Quality Start Machine]

How many times this season will the Cubs have "the win that finally gets them going", only to lose the next game?