Cubs 2017 Postseason Roster Thread

[flannj]

I'd still like to see a trade for a right handed outfielder who can actually hit.

And how would this happen?

I would assume Theo convinces Ricketts to take on the 295 million dollars remaining on that mega-deal and Loria, who is in the process of selling the team and would probably realize he can get more for it without the new owner having to worry about that contract, tells his GM to say yes. I guess you'd probably give them Schwarber at that point, too.

convinces Ricketts to take on the 295 million dollars remaining on that mega-deal and Loria, who is in the process of selling the team and would probably realize he can get more for it without the new owner having to worry about that contract

Maybe Ricketts should buy the Marlins.

[PenFoe]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Whatever, you were too busy cavorting in Indiana of all places during the month of July and missed your opportunity to stop this.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Also, I forgot Uehara, would would make 11 pitchers before the Rondon/Grimm octagon match, which might be rendered moot if they pick up a bat.

[Tonker]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Pro tip: if you need more than about six words to explain a nickname, then it's probably not a very good nickname.  See: Bodie; JHey; QSM; 1060; Christ; Zorilla; Ballgame, Tony; BMIaez... etc., etc.  One of the few exceptions to this is JIMMY BUTTHOLE.

[Quality Start Machine]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Pro tip: if you need more than about six words to explain a nickname, then it's probably not a very good nickname.  See: Bodie; JHey; QSM; 1060; Christ; Zorilla; Ballgame, Tony; BMIaez... etc., etc.  One of the few exceptions to this is JIMMY BUTTHOLE.

Trying to explain JIMMY BUTTHOLE is like trying to solve a problem like Maria.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Pro tip: if you need more than about six words to explain a nickname, then it's probably not a very good nickname.  See: Bodie; JHey; QSM; 1060; Christ; Zorilla; Ballgame, Tony; BMIaez... etc., etc.  One of the few exceptions to this is JIMMY BUTTHOLE.

I challenge you to explain all of those nicknames in 6 words or fewer.

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

DPD...so from today's perspective it comes down to Grimm and a bat for #25.  As much as Hector has looked like he's righted the ship in low-leverage situations, he's done this too many times and probably won't get too many chances to do it again so...

[Tonker]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Pro tip: if you need more than about six words to explain a nickname, then it's probably not a very good nickname.  See: Bodie; JHey; QSM; 1060; Christ; Zorilla; Ballgame, Tony; BMIaez... etc., etc.  One of the few exceptions to this is JIMMY BUTTHOLE.

I challenge you to explain all of those nicknames in 6 words or fewer.

Bodie: Looks like Bodie from "The Wire"
JHey: His name is Jason Heyward
QSM: All he does is Quality Start
1060: His name is Addison
Christ: He's better than Jesus
Zorilla: Named Zobrist, hits like a beast
Ballgame, Tony: All-round legend just like Teddy
BMIaez: Fat bastard

How's that?

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Pro tip: if you need more than about six words to explain a nickname, then it's probably not a very good nickname.  See: Bodie; JHey; QSM; 1060; Christ; Zorilla; Ballgame, Tony; BMIaez... etc., etc.  One of the few exceptions to this is JIMMY BUTTHOLE.

I challenge you to explain all of those nicknames in 6 words or fewer.

Bodie: Looks like Bodie from "The Wire"
JHey: His name is Jason Heyward
QSM: All he does is Quality Start
1060: His name is Addison Wrigley Field = 1060 West Addison
Christ: He's better than Jesus
Zorilla: Named Zobrist, hits like a beast
Ballgame, Tony: All-round legend just like Teddy
BMIaez: Fat bastard Tonker ironically called Baez "fat"

How's that?

Not bad, but not perfect if the objective was to truly explain nicknames.  I help'd you, though.  

Also, I may have prematurely dissed Rizzo 5 years ago, but at least I hadn't called him fat.

Finally, John Lackey = "Piano Keys" Bynum, only black teeth. Is that better for you , you fat Aussie fuck?

[Tonker]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Pro tip: if you need more than about six words to explain a nickname, then it's probably not a very good nickname.  See: Bodie; JHey; QSM; 1060; Christ; Zorilla; Ballgame, Tony; BMIaez... etc., etc.  One of the few exceptions to this is JIMMY BUTTHOLE.

I challenge you to explain all of those nicknames in 6 words or fewer.

Bodie: Looks like Bodie from "The Wire"
JHey: His name is Jason Heyward
QSM: All he does is Quality Start
1060: His name is Addison Wrigley Field = 1060 West Addison
Christ: He's better than Jesus
Zorilla: Named Zobrist, hits like a beast
Ballgame, Tony: All-round legend just like Teddy
BMIaez: Fat bastard Tonker ironically called Baez "fat"

How's that?

Not bad, but not perfect if the objective was to truly explain nicknames.  I help'd you, though.  

Also, I may have prematurely dissed Rizzo 5 years ago, but at least I hadn't called him fat.

Finally, John Lackey = "Piano Keys" Bynum, only black teeth. Is that better for you , you fat Aussie fuck?

Nope.

[SKO]

I'd pay good money to have Huey explain to some black dude other than Apex why he nicknamed him "Blackey", inspired by a  black dude's buck teeth, and why that's totally not racist.

I'm not saying it is racist, because as bad as this nickname is (and it's terrible), I am steeped enough in Desipio lore to follow the logic. I would just like to hear him try and explain it to someone divorced of context.

[Quality Start Machine]

I call him Johnny Longball, which is easier to explain and more fitting.

[CBStew]

(bye Blackey)

This is an unfortunate typo in an otherwise solid posteseason roser post.

Blackey:

His teeth are huge, like Freddy "Piano Keys" Bynum's teeth, but they're also disgusting...the "black" keys instead of the white jeys.

"Black Keys' + Lackey = Blackey

For more information, check out  your local neighborhood Slack.

I've spent a lot of time in Slack and have been involved in far, far than my fair share of dumb nickname conversations and I have neither heard "Blackey" before, nor have any idea what the fuck you're talking about

Pro tip: if you need more than about six words to explain a nickname, then it's probably not a very good nickname.  See: Bodie; JHey; QSM; 1060; Christ; Zorilla; Ballgame, Tony; BMIaez... etc., etc.  One of the few exceptions to this is JIMMY BUTTHOLE.

I challenge you to explain all of those nicknames in 6 words or fewer.

Bodie: Looks like Bodie from "The Wire"
JHey: His name is Jason Heyward
QSM: All he does is Quality Start
1060: His name is Addison Wrigley Field = 1060 West Addison
Christ: He's better than Jesus
Zorilla: Named Zobrist, hits like a beast
Ballgame, Tony: All-round legend just like Teddy
BMIaez: Fat bastard Tonker ironically called Baez "fat"

How's that?

Not bad, but not perfect if the objective was to truly explain nicknames.  I help'd you, though.  

Also, I may have prematurely dissed Rizzo 5 years ago, but at least I hadn't called him fat.

Finally, John Lackey = "Piano Keys" Bynum, only black teeth. Is that better for you , you fat Aussie fuck?

Since when do the jails provide short sleeve orange jumpsuits with Polo logos?

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

DPD...so from today's perspective it comes down to Grimm and a bat for #25.  As much as Hector has looked like he's righted the ship in low-leverage situations, he's done this too many times and probably won't get too many chances to do it again so...

Looks like Vic the Stick or a hitter off waivers!