The Tyler "It's time for me to start playin' ball" Chatwood Sloogetacular

[Tonker]

Shit I can remember when Tonk yelled at me for starting a Dexter Fowler splooge thread after he hit a game-winning HR off LaTroy Hawkins, and here just two years later we're starting pre-emptive threads for this year's Jason Hammel? Mais non.

To be fair, it wasn't the starting of the thread per se that wound me up (otherwise I'd have reacted to Fork rather than you), so much as the conclusions that were being drawn from an extremely small sample size:

So this is what having an actual leadoff hitter feels like...who knew?

And to get actual production from center field for the first time in ages seems nice. Outside of a half season of Edmonds in '08 that left me feeling as confused and dirty as that one summer at Camp Winnebago I don't think the Cubs have had a center fielder worth a shit since...fuck. I don't know.

I don't want to go all Eli on you, but c'mon guys: we're five games in, for fuck sake.

Yeah, but Fowler's career numbers (particularly OPB) indicate that this sort of thing will be a thing.

I'm happy to have him, but Fowler has been, until now, offensively speaking, very slightly above average.  For a CF, that's pretty nice, but not exactly setting anything on fire.  At his age, he's probably not going to get a hell of a lot better than he has been up to this point, either.  He's a decent part of a good team, but in years to come we're not going to be fondly reminiscing over the Dexter Fowler era.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, he's no Reed Johnson.

Still, holy shit was I wrong.

It's a good thing for you that you pulled this yourself because if I had managed to stumble across this first, I'd have crucified you.  It's as if Fork and Chuck had a child together and it was this take.  Not only was it wrong, at the time, about Fowler's history (he was a decidedly an above-average OBP guy) but hitting a lead-changing 9th inning homerun with 2 outs off noted fuckstick LaTroy Hawkins to take an early-season series is an entirely appropriate time to start a splooge thread.  Bad, Tonker, BAD.

I'll go away and think about what I've done.

[morpheus]

Happy, Chuck?

Very!

If you don't use this as your avatar I will lose all of my respect for you.

This is... spectacular.

[Chuck to Chuck]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

[Quality Start Machine]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

Almost makes those 40 years in the desert worth it, eh?

[CBStew]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

Chuck, BC, me, if we convert Oleg we'll only need 6 more for a minyan.

[flannj]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

Chuck, BC, me, if we convert Oleg we'll only need 6 more for a minyan.

Believe me Stew, I'm probably your next prospect.

[Bort]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

Chuck, BC, me, if we convert Oleg we'll only need 6 more for a minyan.

Believe me Stew, I'm probably your next prospect.

Hey, I'm married into a Jewish family, fairly nebbishy, and talk with my hands. What am I, chopped liver?

[flannj]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

Chuck, BC, me, if we convert Oleg we'll only need 6 more for a minyan.

Believe me Stew, I'm probably your next prospect.

Hey, I'm married into a Jewish family, fairly nebbishy, and talk with my hands. What am I, chopped liver?

How's the guilt?

[Chuck to Chuck]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

Chuck, BC, me, if we convert Oleg we'll only need 6 more for a minyan.

Believe me Stew, I'm probably your next prospect.

Hey, I'm married into a Jewish family, fairly nebbishy, and talk with my hands. What am I, chopped liver?

How's the guilt?

Chopped liver made with schmaltz?

[CBStew]

BC in a kippah breaks the internet.

Chuck, BC, me, if we convert Oleg we'll only need 6 more for a minyan.

Believe me Stew, I'm probably your next prospect.

Hey, I'm married into a Jewish family, fairly nebbishy, and talk with my hands. What am I, chopped liver?

How's the guilt?

Chopped liver made with schmaltz?

Maybe chopped liver made with unsalted butter instead of schmaltz?  Oy vey es mere.

[Oleg]

I guess Chatwood sounds Jewish.

[PenFoe]

I guess Chatwood sounds Jewish.

Having no other background on him, I'd venture he's a better Jew than Oleg or me.

[Tonker]

I guess Chatwood sounds Jewish.

Having no other background on him, I'd venture he's a better Jew than Oleg or me.

Indeed.  I'm a better jew than either of you.

[Bort]

I guess Chatwood sounds Jewish.

Having no other background on him, I'd venture he's a better Jew than Oleg or me.

Indeed.  I'm a better jew than either of you.

Ali's a better jew than either of them and she almost forgot to light the candles tonight.

[CBStew]

I guess Chatwood sounds Jewish.

Having no other background on him, I'd venture he's a better Jew than Oleg or me.

Indeed.  I'm a better jew than either of you.

Ali's a better jew than either of them and she almost forgot to light the candles tonight.

Thanks for reminding me.  Tonight is first night of Hanukkah.  8 days from now I will be about 10 pounds heavier because of a diet of Donna's potato latkes.